Online Sermons
LESSON #18 – IN-LAWS, NOT OUTLAWS
Series: Home-BuildersLESSON #18 – IN-LAWS, NOT OUTLAWS
INTRODUCTION
Conflict with in-laws may be fodder for many comedic routines, but in real life it is no laughing matter.
One young wife offered the following “confession”: Ryan's mother wasn't shy about expressing her disapproval of me.
But then it wasn't much better for Ryan when it came to my parents. In fact, I had never seen them act so rudely to anyone!
Visiting parents on either side of the family came to be a stressful ordeal for both of us.”
A WEDGE BETWEEN LEAVING AND CLEAVING
Gen.2:24 provides God's intent for a husband and wife.
For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Marital counselors often declare that two of the biggest marriage problems often revolve around “sex and money”.
But dealing with cantankerous in-laws also has to be somewhere pretty high on the list of potential problems.
Gen.26:34-35 describes Isaac and Rebekah's response to the choice of a bride made by their son Esau.
When Esau was forty years old he married Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite,
and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite; and they brought grief to Isaac and Rebekah.
Must in-laws be outlaws?
A robust marriage requires that all sides work together for the good of the marriage.
HONORING IS A TWO-WAY STREET
The best fertilizer one can provide for the cultivation of a new marriage (actually a marriage at any stage) is for all
of the inter-related parties involved to show genuine respect and honor for one another. cf. Deut.5:16 and Eph.6:2
Rom.12:14 / If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
Annie Chapman captures the notorious mother-in-law tension that occasinally arises in her book with a rather lengthy title:
“The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Who Love The Same Man, Still Get Along?”
WHEN CONFLICTS ARISE...
Dr. Laurie E. Rozakis offers the following ten recommendations for dealing with in-law problems.
1) Work with your spouse 6) Get with the program
2) Set boundaries and limits 7) Learn to cool off
3) Enforce boundaries and limits 8) Be mature
4) Communicate directly 9) Be kind
5) Know yourself 10) Keep your sense of humor
Dr. James Dobson (Focus On The Family) notes what “honoring” your in-laws does not mean.
1) It doesn't require that you submerge all your own feelings, desires, preferences and needs in the service of “doing things their way”.
2) It doesn't permit them to disrespect, control or manipulate you for their own selfish ends.
3) It doesn't entail “obeying” all of their “parental” requests or requirements - - which in some instances...may get pretty crazy.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. How important is it for parents to “let go” of their newlywed “child”?
2. How damaging is it when parental in-laws are constantly interfering, criticizing and trying to micromanage?
3. What could you do to help build a better relationship with your in-laws?
4. Is it necessary to allow for differences?
5. Does it go without saying that there will be occasions (perhaps quite a few) when we will need to “bite our tongue”?
6. How essential is it to extend acceptance, warmth, love, forgiveness, grace, tolerance and patience?
7. How hurtful might it be for newlyweds to totally sideline their parents?
