Online Sermons
Lesson #6 - Learn To Listen
Series: Home-BuildersLESSON #6 – LEARN TO LISTEN
INTRODUCTION
In his wonderfully insightful book, Marriage: How To Keep A Good Thing Growing, Dr. John Drakeford discusses
the importance of learning to be a good listener. While we may not be able to fully discern the primary target of
the exhortation from the New Testament writer, James, it surely seems relevant to the husband-wife relationship.
Let everyone be QUICK TO HEAR, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God./ Js.1:19-20
ENCODING … TRANSMITTING … RECEIVING … AND DECODING
“Because it is a chain of events, it is possible for communication to break down at any one or more of the links.
Such an infinitely complex operation, like all complicated procedures, can easily get out of gear.”
A CASE STUDY
Helen tells her husband, Bruce, that she feels the housekeeping budget should be increased. She reinforces her case with
an information source - - the reports of friends' housekeeping budgets and the amount of money Bruce saves for his
biannual hunting trips. Helen proceeds to encode her message - - she takes great care in choosing the words she uses
to discuss this touchy subject. Bruce frequently complains that Helen speaks too softly, so she transmits her message
by raising the volume of her voice. The message moves along the channel, traveling from Helen's mouth to Bruce's ears.
As the receiver, Bruce looks straight at Helen so her can both see and hear her in order to understand the message.
Bruce is busily engaged in decoding - - trying to make sure he understands what Helen means as she sprinkles her state-
ments with such expressions as “sky-high prices,” “staples,” and “mad money.” The message arrives at its destination - -
Bruce's brain. He evaluates Helen's proposition and weighs the pros and cons of increasing the housekeeping allowance.
VARIOUS DISTORTION POINTS
Helen may have some wrong ideas … Helen may say things using the wrong words ... or make an emphasis that changes the meaning ...
Noisy children may interfere with their conversation … Bruce's bad hearing may come into play … etc.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
Many couples enter into marriage with confused expectations - - “I always thought...”
It's important to handle confused expectations with HUMILITY. cf. Prov.16:18 / Pride goes before destruction…
Because something is clear to you, it doesn't always follow that your spouse will automatically understand.
THE WORDS WE USE
Give an example of “double talk”.
How productive is nagging? - cf. Prov.21:9 & 19
Acknowledge that you don't know everything and that you could just be wrong. Don't gloat when you are right.
THE WAY YOU SAY IT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE
“It wasn't so much what he/she said, it was the way he/she said it.”
The writer Joseph Conrad, an authentic wordsmith, has said: Give me the right word and the right accent, and I will move the world.
Prov.25:11 / Like apples of gold in a setting of silver, is a word spoken in the right circumstances.
MARRIAGE IS NO PLACE FOR PUT-DOWNS
I'm wasting my breath! … No one in his right mind could believe that! … Everybody knows that! … Where did you get that dumb idea? …
It's really none of your business! … Why do you always think you know more than anybody else? … If you're interested in hearing the facts? … Are you trying to be funny? … I don't want to hurt your feelings, but...! … If I tell you something, will you promise not to get mad?
IT'S ONE THING TO HEAR AND ANOTHER THING TO LISTEN!
Prov.22:17 / Incline your ear and hear the words of the wise, and apply your mind…
“Many people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.” / Stephen Covey
Listen and Silent are two words that have the same letters.
Luke records the oft-repeated words of Jesus: Take care how you listen. / Lk.8:18a
